I love your mention of identity here and mothers being so much more than their clean houses or incomes. In the US (more so than most other countries), I’ve observed we are prone to self-objectification, difficulty seeing our own identities beyond our profession. Beautiful musings.
“We will support you to both be primary person for your child and have an opportunity to either continue or to explore what else helps you tick as a person?”
"Now discern how you’ll spend your time with who doing what in the freedom of know this identity."
Thank you for sharing your journey so far and putting words to what all this is about: Identity.
This is so good, and all true. So much of what we do as women in navigating these worlds is, at its foundation, economic. When we have to work outside of the home more than we would like, we are faced with the battle of how not to become defensive or resentful of our circumstances, and likewise when we need to be home more than we'd like. Those calculations lead us to commodify ourselves and decide where and how we could be worth more, or where or in what our "true" value (read as financial impact) lies. We start to sort ourselves out of that true value as a beloved and unique part of God's family and live in the parallel dimension of "earning our keep" where there is no equation that ends in a sense of peace. But, what would happen if instead of calculation we just did what we were being asked to do in each shifting season, for the good of ourselves and our families? What if we let God do the work that God does with imperfect situations, in an imperfect world? This has all been a central struggle for me, and I think is a common (if not universal) one! How do I turn off the judgement, expectation, and the politicizing/moralizing of the lives that we have been given by distant voices, and just live into that precious, imperfect life with hope, trust, integrity, and faith? Can we open the door to healing by choosing to walk away all of the chatter and let the voice of God in? I hope so...we make things very complicated!
I poured everything into momming and when the birds flew away I had an identity crisis. This essay is awesome! Pour into who you are as a daughter of God first.
I will say though, as inspired as I was by it, and how uplifted the last bit about support was, I am puzzled that you didn’t include something definitive from Catholic teaching that refutes, clearly, that opening paragraph.
Cuz that opening paragraph is a doozy, and if people do believe that (and many do), it’s a clear indication that something is wrong and the Church does need to do something about that, becuz if they don’t, posts like yours are just sweet reflections between moms who get it, sisters helping sisters. Inspirational but… the philosophy of the opening paragraph still stands.
(For what it’s worth, I am a Catholic mom who HAS to work. Not all of us can choose… unless the Catholic Church intends to support a non-working mother raise her child and keep a roof over their heads. Since that isn’t happening…)
Respectfully, I read it differently. Directly below the opening paragraph, the author notes that she is not a Catholic theologian. She is bold enough to question a spoken or unspoken norm that she's experienced and observed. Additionally, if a church is more than an institution and includes its people, than reflections like these and sisters helping sisters are forms of social change in and of themselves.
I love your mention of identity here and mothers being so much more than their clean houses or incomes. In the US (more so than most other countries), I’ve observed we are prone to self-objectification, difficulty seeing our own identities beyond our profession. Beautiful musings.
What a great term, Becca. Self-objectification indeed!
My favorite lines from this:
"The problem was I thought I was what I did. "
“We will support you to both be primary person for your child and have an opportunity to either continue or to explore what else helps you tick as a person?”
"Now discern how you’ll spend your time with who doing what in the freedom of know this identity."
Thank you for sharing your journey so far and putting words to what all this is about: Identity.
woot woot! amen amen, Katie!
Love this so much! I've also had a similar journey and I've learned these same lessons. Beautiful words, Nell!
Praise the Lord, Danielle!
I needed this, and I know others who need to read it too. Thank you.
Praise the Lord!
Couldn’t have loved this more. You are an amazing mom, Nell. 💕
And wife, child of God, friend, and person. 😉
awww you too, my friend!!
And to add, my working is not about identity. Its seriously simply about keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table. Oh, and shoes.
Thank you!
This is so good, and all true. So much of what we do as women in navigating these worlds is, at its foundation, economic. When we have to work outside of the home more than we would like, we are faced with the battle of how not to become defensive or resentful of our circumstances, and likewise when we need to be home more than we'd like. Those calculations lead us to commodify ourselves and decide where and how we could be worth more, or where or in what our "true" value (read as financial impact) lies. We start to sort ourselves out of that true value as a beloved and unique part of God's family and live in the parallel dimension of "earning our keep" where there is no equation that ends in a sense of peace. But, what would happen if instead of calculation we just did what we were being asked to do in each shifting season, for the good of ourselves and our families? What if we let God do the work that God does with imperfect situations, in an imperfect world? This has all been a central struggle for me, and I think is a common (if not universal) one! How do I turn off the judgement, expectation, and the politicizing/moralizing of the lives that we have been given by distant voices, and just live into that precious, imperfect life with hope, trust, integrity, and faith? Can we open the door to healing by choosing to walk away all of the chatter and let the voice of God in? I hope so...we make things very complicated!
Loved this, thank you!
I poured everything into momming and when the birds flew away I had an identity crisis. This essay is awesome! Pour into who you are as a daughter of God first.
Great essay.
I will say though, as inspired as I was by it, and how uplifted the last bit about support was, I am puzzled that you didn’t include something definitive from Catholic teaching that refutes, clearly, that opening paragraph.
Cuz that opening paragraph is a doozy, and if people do believe that (and many do), it’s a clear indication that something is wrong and the Church does need to do something about that, becuz if they don’t, posts like yours are just sweet reflections between moms who get it, sisters helping sisters. Inspirational but… the philosophy of the opening paragraph still stands.
(For what it’s worth, I am a Catholic mom who HAS to work. Not all of us can choose… unless the Catholic Church intends to support a non-working mother raise her child and keep a roof over their heads. Since that isn’t happening…)
Respectfully, I read it differently. Directly below the opening paragraph, the author notes that she is not a Catholic theologian. She is bold enough to question a spoken or unspoken norm that she's experienced and observed. Additionally, if a church is more than an institution and includes its people, than reflections like these and sisters helping sisters are forms of social change in and of themselves.